so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
