so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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