Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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