i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
