i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
