i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
