I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
