It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
