worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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