Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
