You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
