I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
