forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
