Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
