At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
