I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
