It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
