i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
