i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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