I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
try to milk me bitch
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