i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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