If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
