I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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