Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
