That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's always time for handjobs
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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