When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
