Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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