does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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