the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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