I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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