Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
