its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
