I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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