dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
