Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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