u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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