i jhust puked up my retainher.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
