There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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