You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so fucking centered right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
