I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
