id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
MIDGETS
????
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
