I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's always time for handjobs
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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