Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
