we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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