this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
