i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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