My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I FOUND THE LEGS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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