I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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