wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She bit a glass in half.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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