You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
