Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
