i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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