yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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