Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
