Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
