so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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