guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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