I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
