His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
