38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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