my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
