He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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