while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
