Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
