she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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