I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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