She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
