I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
