barbara walters just said penis...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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