I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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