make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
