alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
farters have to be the big spoon...
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
