anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
