I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
