Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
