three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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