Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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